life according to dave

and so we’ve come full circle

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 21:02:52 -0700

Almost three years ago, I took the plunge into the blogosphere and began blogging on this site. My very first post was about Norman, a cute little Schnauzer we inherited, and how he affected our lives. My penultimate post, interestingly enough, was about our other dog, Milkdud. It wasn’t a happy blog on new beginnings, though. Instead, it was about about endings and how losing a pet can affect you much more deeply than you expect. Bracketed by happiness and sadness, with many ups and downs in between, now seems like the right time to go ahead and end this blog and begin anew. So that’s what I’m doing.

If you still want to follow my ramblings, head on over here to check what new things I might have to say. See you there!

on catharsis: reflections on life and milkdud

Thu, 21 Jul 2011 20:51:31 -0700

Yes, that's right. Life and Milkdud, not to be confused with Milk Duds, the delicious candy I often pop into my mouth while at the movies. Milkdud was a chocolate Schnauzer-Poodle mix (often referred to as a Shnoodle) that came into my life about fifteen years ago. Back then, I was still in my thirties and my boys were only eleven and thirteen. But time, as it has a way of doing, went by, and I find myself two decades removed from that younger version of myself, and my boys are both married and have their own children. One will be a doctor soon, and the other has far surpassed his father's level of education. Both of them make me proud. But this post isn't about them, at least not today, even though I have many, many great things to say about them. Today, instead, is all about a little brown dog named Milkdud.

Milkdud was named by our youngest son. He chose the name because when Milkdud was a puppy, he was dark, dark brown, and when he curled up in a ball he looked just like a Milk Dud. He spent many of his younger years being a good sport and allowing the family (mostly the boys and, sometimes me) to "play" with him in some of the most interesting ways, such as spinning him in the air, or watching him leap from our hands to the couch in this very strange, spring-loaded fashion of his (both of these have been caught on tape, btw). There was also the time that the boy's uncle (who shall remain nameless) taught them how to create a blowgun and darts out of a magazine. Of course, Milkdud was the (moving) target. Rest assured, though, that it was all harmless and little Milkdud was never hurt in any way. Annoyed, yes ... harmed, no.

Beyond the fun Milkdud had playing around in our household, he also had the opportunity to become the star of his own home movie. It was a doggy horror movie entitled, "Milk Witch". Though only a lucky few have seen the film, those who have rave about Milkdud's one and only performance. Unfortunately, Milkdud retired from acting and went on to spend most of his time doing nothing, which for him was perfect.

A couple of years ago, we first started noticing a few things about Milkdud, or Milky as we often called him. It was becoming difficult for him to jump, and we often had to help him up onto the couch. We also found ourselves having to talk more loudly to get Milkdud's attention. Over time, it got worse, and then, sadly, even his eyes began to cloud up and he could no longer see very well. Toward the end, as he approached the nice old age of fifteen, Milkdud had finally gotten to the point where he slept most of the time. And things just slowly continued to go downhill for the old guy. When Milky started confusing being in the house with being outside, we had to admit to ourselves it was time for him to go. Even so, we waited for months, fretting over what was the right thing to do. Eventually, the decision was made.

It was on a Tuesday, some three weeks ago. Though I'd made light of what I knew was going to happen in the near future, I wasn't prepared for the actual day, nor was I prepared for how I would feel afterward. The entire day before he was taken to the vet, I felt ... wrong. The day just wasn't feeling good, and I just felt worse and worse as the day progressed. And then, that night, after it was all over, Debbie and I cried. A lot.

I was feeling the loss of our dog in a way I had never expected. Yes, he'd been around for fifteen years, but after all, he was just a dog. Right? Well, I learned that they become much more than "just dogs" and that when they are suddenly no longer around, you notice. I did, and I have. And I continue to do so. Even after three weeks I think about the ol' mutt fondly, and I miss him. And sometimes I even think that maybe we should have waited just another week or three. You know, for one more day where maybe he'd feel ok and could go outside and bark and run around and do his business in the yard rather than in our house. But ultimately, I realized we did make the right decision, and that Milkdud really was ready to go. We like to think that if he could have talked, he would have told us it was ok, that he was old and tired and ready to head off to the “big doghouse in the sky”.

Ultimately, I think some of the feelings I've had and the tears I've shed can be associated with the somewhat surprising fact that, after five decades, I've never lost anyone or anything close to me. I've never been exposed to the realities of death and loss. In all ways that is a great thing. Except one. I find myself now, after so many years, having to come to grips with one of life’s realities, the cycle of life and death.

So thank you, Milkdud, for being a great dog and friend to the family for so many years. No matter what we did, you just kept coming back for more and loving us all just the same. Though it’s not biblical at all, I’d like to think that one day, many years in the future, in heaven Milkdud will once again be sitting underneath my desk, curled up next to the foot heater.

reflections on time: part deux

Sun, 31 Oct 2010 10:29:26 -0700

So, enough with the thoughts about time, right? Not so fast. There are a number of things that occur throughout life that make one deeply aware of the essential nature of time: it passes. Despite our best efforts at slowing its progression, it pushes onward, rushing to envelope the future, to become the present, eventually winding up as the past. And that is where I am today. Not in a maudlin sense, though, for it is a happy occasion that brings to mind the swiftness of time passing.

Grandchildren.

In the space of a week ... actually, just two days ... we went from having two grandkids to having four. Two of our kids had their own kids this past week. One was a girl, Charlotte, and one was a little boy named David. I might be biased, but I think I can safely say that they are two of the cutest little kids I’ve ever seen. And, thankfully, both are healthy and have all the right parts. Couldn’t ask for more than that.

So, without further ado, here are the two latest additions to the Pagan family tree (in birth order :-)

Charlotte Grace

and David Jeremiah:

Welcome into this world, Charlotte and David.

reflections on time

Fri, 22 Oct 2010 16:24:47 -0700

Recently, I had the good fortune to hook up with my best friend from high school. His name is Jeff. Not only were we good friends, we also spent several years playing around our hometown in a rock band we called, Prophecy. They were great years, filled with lots of memories and dreams of making it big as rock stars. They also happened over thirty years ago. Yes, you read that right. Over thirty years.

Why has it been that long? I have no idea. Perhaps it was because back in 1979 it wasn’t that easy to stay in touch with friends and families. At that time, e-mail and the internet were the province of major universities and the Department of Defense. Or perhaps it was because Jeff chose to continue persuing a music career and I chose to go to get married, go to college, and start a family. Not exactly going the same directions in life. Sure, it would have been easy enough to make sure we had each other’s phone numbers along the way (even though the cost of long distance calls was ridiculously high), and to update the other whenever we moved. But still being in our teen years, neither of us chose to go that route. So as years, and then decades, passed by, we became further separated in time and distance.

Fast forward several decades and a multitude of technology breakthroughs unheard of in the late seventies: affordable computers, the growth of the internet beyond academic boundaries, the “world wide web”, and of course, the social networking site called facebook. Put them all together, wait a little while, and you have all the ingredients necessary to find long lost friends from the past. And that’s exactly what happened. One day, while roaming around on facebook, I saw Jeff’s name as a friend of someone else I’d become a friend of on facebook. I sent a message to him and before I knew it came a reply that it was, in fact, my good friend from so many years ago.

We exchanged a number e-mails and commented to each other on facebook. We both wanted to get together eventually and catch up on the years, but it isn’t always easy for that to happen when you live in different cities. Eventually, though, a time came when Debbie and I were going to be in the same area as Jeff, so we decided it would be a good time to plan on meeting up. So, that’s what we did. I can admit now that, for whatever, reason, I was somewhat nervous hooking up with an old friend after so many years. Maybe it was concern over how I looked (you do age over that man years, you know), or maybe I was worried over whether I’d accomplished enough personally and professionally, or possibly I was just feeling awkward about having been through a divorce. I honestly don’t know what it was, but it turned out I needn’t have been worried at all.

Debbie and I met Jeff and his fiance, Jayna, at a restaurant in the city where Jeff lives. We knew they were already there waiting for us, so we walked in. Seeing Jeff after so many years transported me instantly back in time. I was suddenly seventeen all over again. And it was almost like we’d not seen each other for just a few months rather than a few decades. After the introductions of Debbie and Jayna, we headed off to a table and began catching up on all that had happened since we’d last seen each other. It was pretty much non-stop talking and joking around as we let Debbie and Jayna in on some of the goings-on from back in the day. Before we knew it, several hours had passed and it was getting late. Time to go.

The four of us had such a wonderful time visiting with each other that we’re planning another trip in the near future, except this time we’ll allow more time to visit. I’m not sure when exactly that will be, but most likely within the next six months or so. I know Debbie and I are looking forward to it, and I believe Jeff and Jayna are as well.

One final note. Jeff is a Christian and has been since I knew him back in high school. I became a Christian only about fifteen years ago. While we were talking at dinner, I shared with Jeff that it was his example, through the way he lived, spoke, wrote songs, and played music, that set the groundwork for my future salvation. Jeff, whether he really knew it or not, was planting seeds that would, years later, grow into a saving faith in Jesus Christ. So, Jeff, thank you for being a faithful servant way back then and sharing what is, ultimately, the most important one person can share with another: the gospel. And thank you for being a great friend so many years ago, and for still being that friend today. Looking forward to seeing you again soon ...

super mario brothers turns 25

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 12:27:11 -0700

For almost forty years, I’ve loved video games. Back when I was about twelve, and the commercials were on TV for this new thing called an Atari video game console, I somehow managed to convince my parents to shell out something like $150 to buy one of them for me. That’s all it took. I’ve been hooked ever since. Funny how little it took to amuse me back then. Just a few pixels forming variations of blobs looking sort of like objects we could recognize running around on the screen, all at my control, was all that was needed. Talk about fun. I spent an endless number of hours playing those games.

Fast forward about 17 years or so. I’m 29 and have two sons, 6 and 4. Well, what better activity to introduce to those young minds than playing video games, right? Yep. I decided to buy a Nintendo game console and Super Mario Brothers. After trying it out myself, and of course instantly becoming hooked on the brothers, I let the boys start playing. They, too, were instant fans of Mario and Luigi. And thus began a long and fun-filled time where the boys and I played video games together, later expanding our game play to the likes of Batman, Bart Simpson, TMNT, et al.

Over time, we continued playing Mario Brothers, upgrading to the latest version of the game and/or the latest Nintendo game console. For the longest time, I was able to beat the games before either Jonathan or Jeremy. However, after beating SMB3, I lost my edge and never again beat any game faster than either of the boys. By that time, though, it didn’t matter anymore. We just had fun, and I gave up on the need to compete and always beat them :-)

The years passed, gaming changed, consoles changed. Soon we found ourselves playing such amazing games as “Halo” and “Call of Duty” on the Xbox 360 with anywhere from 4 to 16 players. We had some awesome times playing those games together, along with a number of their friends. But, as happens in life, kids grow up and move on to other chapters in their lives: college, jobs, marriage, and now kids. We don’t play video games anymore. That time has been taken by the inevitability of growing up and real life demands. But that’s ok, because we all have great memories of the fun we had with those nifty electronic devices. I suspect the next great video game period will occur within the next decade or so, when all the grandkids start coming of age. I’ll be rusty, but I’ll be ready.

Ahhh. Good times. Thanks, Mario Brothers, for starting things out and giving the boys and I so many great hours together.